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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23458018">The Mess You'd Wear With Pride</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalChilling/pseuds/MalChilling'>MalChilling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Psych (TV 2006)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abigail Lytar plays Baseball, American High Schools, Bad Flirting, But only a little, Cute Shawn Spencer, F/M, Feminine Shawn Spencer, Fluff and Angst, HAPPY DANCE, He went through a phase, Infatuated Shawn Spencer, Mind Palace, Senior Picnic, Sensitive Shawn Spencer, Shawn Spencer Angst, Shawn Spencer Bakes, Shawn Spencer cries, Shawn has a Mind Palace, Shawn has long hair, Teenage Shawn Spencer, Vegan Shawn Spencer, fluff first, gus is a good friend, in cannon, like a little bit creepy, then angst, you cant take this from me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:00:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,291</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23458018</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalChilling/pseuds/MalChilling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Shawn's mom left the night Shawn was supposed to go on his date with Abigail Lytar?  A look into how the divorce shaped Shawn's view on love. </p>
<p>Or </p>
<p>"Is that what love was? </p>
<p>Being willing to die for someone, but not being able to stand the sight of them at the breakfast table?"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Abigail Lytar/Shawn Spencer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Mess You'd Wear With Pride</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Tittle is from the song: I Go To The Barn Because I Like The by Band of Horses, which plays on the episode Shawn and Abigail break up. </p>
<p>Enjoy! please let me know of any mistakes :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shawn woke up excited.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> That’s a lie. He woke up bleary, eyes blinking against the bright Santa Barbara sunlight, and the first emotion he registered, if it was an emotion, was hunger. His stomach whined at him, empty and mad about it. </span>
  <span>He made a show of waking up, twisting against his He-Man sheets and blanket, the warmth attempting to lull him back to sleep. But he fought against it once he remembered what day it was. Opening day of the Fair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he had a plan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>First off, he had to get up, feed himself, and get to school. Gus had threatened him with making him take the bus if he wasn't outside when he pulled up. Then he had to ask Abigail to the fair. She’d say yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>-hopefully</span>
  </em>
  <span>, an anxious voice in his head reminded him,- and they’d ride the Ferris wheel. That’s where he planned to make his move.  He’d kiss her at the top, having bribed the carny beforehand, and then </span>
  <em>
    <span>boom</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They’d be together, get married and have little blonde babies. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His heart was beating out of his chest just thinking about it. He sat up in bed, gave himself a second to wake up properly before throwing himself none too gently off his bed when he realized he only had half an hour before Gus got there. And he did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to ride the bus with the rest of the weirdos on such a special day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He leapt to the bathroom, and stripped, turning on the shower and hopping in without waiting for the water to warm, the ice cold water like tiny piercing needles against his hot skin, but washing off the sweat of being buried under two blankets last night. A fever he had kept to himself, not wanting his mom to get worried and make him stay home, cancelling her flight to Boston. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He still felt a little sick, but it was nothing some vitamin C and a lot of fluids wouldn’t fix. Any other day, he would've milked the attention for all he was worth, but no. Not today. Not when his future wife awaited. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled, the water warming and clearing his airways. He ran the lathery soap that made him smell like a field of flowers all over himself. Not smelling like a teenage boy with hygiene issues always was a plus with the ladies. He decided to forgo shampooing his hair as he’d done it last night, and instead conditioned just the ends of his hair, ignoring the scalp completely like his mother’s magazine had advised. The scent of the conditioner made him crave the coconut and pineapple pictured on the bottle. He could steal some slices from Gus’ lunch later, and made a mental note to stop by the store later to stock up in case things went south. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he wasn't worried or anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wasn’t. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He got out of the shower within ten minutes, and brushed his teeth, which meant he had around twenty left. He hurried back into his bedroom, closing the door and making a beeline for his desk chair, where’d he set his clothes for today. First turning on the record player he’d bought with his summer job money. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Video Killed The Radio Star</span>
  </em>
  <span> played automatically, making him giddy. He really enjoyed this song. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He quickly changed into his lucky boxers, before putting on his favorite pair of loose blue jeans. He leaned down and cuffed them, rolling them up an inch at a time, three times, careful they were the same length. He put on a white t-shirt with a little red heart on the side of his chest, rolling up the short sleeves three times as well, and tucked it in, pulling on his black bomber jacket as he stumbled, trying to find his shoes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He finally found the shoes underneath his desk, and pulled them on. He considered switching his white converse for his black boots, but changed his mind. He didn’t have time anyway, if he wanted to eat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn rushed over to the mirror hanging behind his door and checked his hair. Every time he went downstairs, he could see his dad die a little inside when he saw how long his hair was. Now, it was nearly brushing his shoulders, and he wanted to make sure his hair looked perfect when his dad rolled his eyes at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He brushed it and then put some product in it so his slight curls wouldn’t frizz. Normally, when he was this rushed, he didn’t care. But today, he didn't want to give Abigail even the slightest contemplation of turning him down. At least he knew she found freckles adorable, if her best friend wasn’t lying when she told him to ask Abigail out again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gave himself a last one over, before leaving. He skipped down the stairs so fast, he nearly fell when he bounced into the kitchen, but was saved by his dad pulling him back by the arm and putting him back on his feet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Careful, Shawn. It’s not even nine.” He admonished, sipping his black coffee as he fixed his tie. Shawn grinned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry Papa Monkey.” He twirled and walked over to the cupboard, pulling out a box of cereal, turning it upside down and opening it so he could get the little laser pen advertised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goose, you ought to be more careful with yourself.” His mom joined in, pouring a glass of orange juice and handing it to him. “I couldn’t stand it if you hurt yourself when I’m not here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you’re always here, mama.” He dropped a kiss on her cheek as thanks and stole his dad’s toast, much to his dismay. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“About that-” She started, a hesitant look on her face, but was cut off by his dad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maddie, let him get going. He’s late enough as it is. We can tell him later.” Maddie nodded, smiling tensely. Shawn, who was too busy looking out the window for Gus, considered asking. But figured it wasn’t important if his dad let it go like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gus finally pulled up in the car his parents had given him for his birthday, and Shawn pushed down the prickle of jealousy that picked at him. At least he didn't have to ride the bus anymore with Kevin, who for some reason insisted on still shooting milk out of his eye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bye mom, bye dad!” He grabbed his bag and left, ignoring his mom’s protests to at least take some fruit with him. He walked right out the door and into his best friend’s car like he’d done a thousand times before. But the excitement made it feel like he was doing it all for the first time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow,” Said Gus in place of a greeting  “You actually didn’t make me come inside and wait for you.” Sarcastic surprise clear in his tone as he went on, watching as Shawn buckled in and dropped his bag at his feet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you talking about? You love coming inside.” Shawn snorted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>being on time for school, Shawn.” Gus enunciated, finally beginning to drive away. Gus looked pensive for a second before asking. “Does your mom still have some of that apple pie? I need to get that recipe from her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh,” Shawn closed his eyes and thought back, retracing the moment his mom got out the orange juice and spotted the apple pie tucked away neatly next to the milk. “Yep.” Then he paused. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, are you baking again? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gus</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Shawn exclaimed “You know what you’re like when you bake?” He thought back to last year’s cheer leading fundraiser and groaned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Asked Gus, pretending he didn’t what Shawn was talking about but the side look he gave told Shawn plenty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>what. You get everything ready, and then you drag me over to help you and stress in the corner while I do almost all of the work. The thought of it not coming out perfect is too much for you, buddy.” Shawn exasperatedly motioned at empty air like it was making his point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You're just better at baking, it's in your blood.” Gus said, making a turn and pulling up to the school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Shawn was offended and Gus rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shawn, face it. You love baking.” Gus motioned at the back car seat and Shawn turned to look. A mini mountain of chocolate chip cookies he’d made yesterday for this year’s fundraiser were staring at him, right through their adorable little white boxes and green and gold ribbons. Silently judging. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn shook his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t do this with you right now.” Shawn sighed at Gus’ antics and left, closing the car door on Gus’ comeback retort. Much to his dismay however, Gus got out of the car and called after him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t even let me help you make them!” His voice traveled across the parking lot, garnering a few looks from the other early arrivals. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh Gus, you would've been no help!” Shawn called back, turning to see the annoyance on the sweater vest nerd talking to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aren’t you going to help me bring them out?” Gus called out again. And Shawn smirked as he raised a hand and gave him a peace sign as his answer without turning back around. Gus could help with that part.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn had never wanted to murder anyone in his entire life. Until now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“-bell does </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>dismiss you. I do.” Mrs. Jaffrey went on. The dinosaur wrinkles that twisted into a permanent frown seemed to have a life of their own as she went on. Making them all late for the senior student picnic. Which was a thing all seniors looked forward to. Not because it was fun, but because they got out of class for the remainder of the day. And the less class they had leading up to graduation, the better off they were. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But this lady saw a kid put away his calculator two seconds before the bell rang and here they were. Two minutes late to the picnic everyone else was already at. Suddenly the intercom piped in, cutting off Mrs. Jaffrey’s talk of respect for elders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Teachers and students, pardon the interruption.” The school secretary’s voice piped in, too perky for 10AM. “At this point, senior students are expected at the football field where the annual senior picnic is taking place. Seniors, please bring your school ID and cash if you still need to buy your ticket. You can take your backpacks with you if you brought them to school today, or you can leave them in your Home Room. We will provide sun block and food thanks to our volunteers. Thanks and have a nice rest of your day.” The voice left off on a happy note.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The kids in his class hesitated, wanting to leave but having to watch Mrs. Jaffrey as she checked something on a clipboard, the upperclassmen looking more and more annoyed by the second while the younger students looked longingly out the window. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They waited a few more seconds before Mrs. Jaffrey finally reminded them to finish the rest of the chapter and let them go, watching as they piled out the door. Upperclassmen leading the charge as they maneuvered past the student body and practically ran to the exit leading to the football field. The seniors who had brought their bags sprinting to their homerooms to drop them off, much to the annoyance of a freshman hall monitor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn hadn’t brought his backpack, so he adjusted the small bag filled with his table’s decorations and followed the small senior group of cheerleaders that were hyping up the students they passed, knowing they’d lead him to Gus. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pretty soon he was on the football field, the hot sun reprimanding him for not taking off his jacked before coming outside. He quickly shrugged it off as he walked over to Gus and the cheerleaders and smiled at the face Gus pulled at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where have you been, Shawn?” He asked, making sure the table was even, and pulled out a red and white picnic blanket from a communal  basket the volunteers had filled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mrs. Jaffrey.” Shawn didn’t need to say more, because Gus immediately understood. Nodding in understanding and annoyance at the old woman. Shawn helped him make sure the blanket was even before putting his bag and jacket on top, pulling it open and beginning to take things out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw!” A dark haired cheerleader picked up the stuffed saber cat Shawn had set down and cooed at it. “Shawn, where’d you get this cute pie?” She exclaimed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My dad gave it to me first day of ninth grade. He won it at the school fair his own freshman year.” Shawn said, recalling the brown gift box and how much he loved that stupid thing. The girl awed at his story and showed one of her friends the little jersey the cat sported.  A tall blonde in a letter man jacket and mini skirt walked up and wrinkled her nose once she spotted the thing keeping the girl’s attention. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh, how old is that thing.” She whispered, not very successfully, at the brunette, who in turn turned to her with disdain clear across her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bug off, Mindy.” Said the brunette, watching as the blonde rolled her eyes and walked off. She turned to Shawn and smiled apologetically.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, Howling is a bit of a bitch.” She said, smiling when Shawn shrugged, not his first bump into said blonde. At least he had a name to work with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The girl played around with the cat’s soft fur for a while before finally handing it back to Shawn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s too cute.” She complimented and picked at the other decorations Shawn had. She helped him set up the fake bouquets and arrange the boxes filled with cookies while Gus worked on getting the banner to hang in an aesthetically pleasing way off the front of the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, how’s this?” Gus asked, Pep Captain uniform wrinkled slightly. Shawn and the girl finished up and went to his side to admire their work. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The banner was a type of plastic because it was used annually, so it was old, but Gus had cleaned it up a little with what Shawn guessed had been one of his emergency travel wipes. The black cursive like letters were simple against the white background and read ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dessert Table 3</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ with a cartoon saber cat salivating at a cartoon cake, which Shawn assumed was not what real sabercats ate. If they existed anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sunflowers on the table looked real from away, and the boxes were neatly organized. The stuffed saber cat defended both with unbridled bravery. It looked pretty awesome, if Shawn said so himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It looks awesome!” The girl smiled, cheerleader skirt flouncing from her slight bounce. Gus grinned, agreeing for once. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Eileen.” Gus said, and a yell from behind them caught their attention, a boy wearing a letter jacket trying for Eileen’s attention waved at them. Eileen snorted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s Howie, I’m gonna see what he’s up to. Thanks, guys!” She ran off, picking up her pom poms and taking off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eileen.” Shawn said to himself. “So that’s her name.” He walked back to the table, watching as his fellow seniors walked around the stalls, volunteers showing off the stuff they’d prepared for the picnic with pride. Shawn was pretty sure he spotted a goat at what point. But that might have been his imagination. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know Eileen?” Gus asked, incredulous. “She was prom queen. How do you not know who she is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We had a prom?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gus leaned back with wide eyes away from Shawn. He looked around as if to see if anybody else had heard the scandalous thing his friend had just said and turned back to Shawn with a mistruful look on his face. Before opening his mouth and closing it before opening it again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Shawn. You were there.” Gus explained slowly. Shawn nodded in interest, raising an eyebrow. “How do you not remember this? You remember everything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I dump everything I don’t need into a bin in case I need it later.” Shawn picked up the sunblock, all though he doubted he tanned in the short amount he’d been outside. But he still lathered himself in the pineapple goodness, remembering the back of his neck at the last second. “But other than that, it’s gone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gus shook his head baffled, before turning away and smiling in a villainous way. Shawn turned to look and froze when he realized what -</span>
  <em>
    <span>who</span>
  </em>
  <span>- Gus was looking at. Abigail Lytar in all her glory. She was wearing her baseball uniform and Shawn remembered that all the athletes were sporting their school uniforms for one last time before they had to return them to the school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail was laughing at something her teammate said and throwing up a ball and catching it with her glove like she didn’t even need to look to know where the ball was going. She was so pretty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Welp,” Gus patted him roughly in the back “there's the missus.” Shawn groaned, regretting being friends with such an evil bastard. He went to stand behind the table when he spotted a small horde of upperclassmen heading his way. Gus followed as well and stood next to Shawn as the horde arrived. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, how are ya?” Shawn stamped the little third box on the desert column of their green tickets and watched as they took their corresponding boxes. They talked to him and Gus for a little while before taking off to the neighboring table, who had a temping ice cream set up Shawn would most definitely check out on his break. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you’re really gonna wait for her to come to you, huh?” Gus asked, rearranging the boxes now that several were missing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been chasing after her the whole senior year, Gus. I think it’s only fair she came to me this time.” Shawn shrugged. Gus snorted and put the finishing touches of the design before turning to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, man. I just wanted to say thanks for volunteering with me. If you hadn’t, I’m not sure how I would've survived this” Gus said wincing, and Shawn had no doubt Gus had also already mailed him a thank you card. Shawn grinned at his best friend and drew him into a brief side hug before taking one of the cookies from the box he and Gus had set aside for themselves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gus, don’t be a loose monkey in a banana store.” Gus snorted “Of course I’m gonna help you. I’m not gonna leave you hanging.” Shawn smiled “Even though I did tell you Susanna was a terrible choice for volunteer partner. Her short fuse guaranteed she’d get pissed and abandon you at the last second.” Gus nodded solemnly, before looking up and frowning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, that was quick.” Gus’s voice was filled with quiet surprise. Shawn, confused, looked up just in time to see the baseball team making their way to their booth, Abigail Lytar leading the way. Shawn froze, wondering how he looked, if he was sweaty, or if suddenly his dad was gonna pop up and embarrass him for not having the cookies in army formation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dude! Dude</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Shawn whispered, freaking out at the fullest “What do I do? What do I Do?” Gus stared back with wide eyes and started hitting Shawn back in the discreet way they had developed over the years, before finally gripping his shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Calm down, Shawn. You got this.” The strength in that statement alone was enough to calm Shawn down, and Gus let go of him, standing stiffly but supportive at his side. Abigail finally reached them, the girls gathering at her side and studying the cookies for freshness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Shawn. Hey, Gus.” Abigail smiled, and Shawn felt like someone sucker punched him. He cleared his throat slightly and smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello.” “Hey.” They greeted. “What it </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Shawn drew out, bouncing on the balls of his feet, awkward as hell. Abigail snorted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not much. But we did hear that Shawn Spencer volunteered his baking skills for one last time before taking off with them forever.” She exaggerated, making Shawn blush “We had to come before the cookies ran out.” Abigail smiled at Shawn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re baking again after last year’s bandanna incident.” They both winced at the memory while Gus snorted and turned to talk to the girls. Abigail and Shawn laughed at his reaction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyway, you’re really talented.” Abigail finished. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I couldn't leave you to mediocrity, could I?” Shawn laughed, resisting the urge to crawl under the table before he started a forest fire with the heat of his face. He thought about cool things like ice cream and Canada but nothing could help when Abigail looked at him like that. She laughed and picked up the box she picked out, the one with the red ribbon he had to use after he ran out of gold and green. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll take this one, please.” She handed him her gold athlete ticket and smiled as she watched him struggle with finding the stamp he had literally just sat down. He finally found it and stamped the row of tickets that had gathered, Gus already fixing the boxes again. Shawn handed back the tickets with a gratefully still hand. Abigail’s friends took off to the next table, but she remained. Gus cleared his throat awkwardly after a few uncomfortable seconds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna get us something to eat before they run out of burgers.” Gus stepped out, taking his and Shawn’s blue volunteer tickets and turned to Shawn. “Vegan burger, right Shawn?” Gus asked but received no answer from his infatuated friend. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shawn</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm?” Shawn asked “Oh! Yes, please buddy.” Nodding, Gus left, already knowing condiments Shawn wanted. Shawn and Abigail went back to staring at each other with nervus uncertainty before Abigail cleared her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So the fair opens today.” She said, and messed with the red ribbon tied to the box. Shawn nodded. The fair was the best. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was wondering if-” She cut herself off and picked up her box, a strange look on her face. “You’re going with Gus, right?” Abigail fixed her letterman jacket, something she tended to do when she wasn’t wearing her denim jacket to attack by shoving her fist in an aggressive manner. Shawn wondered why she would be nervous before shaking his head. He had something to do first. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, no. Gus has a date. He’ll be going with her.” He said, and watched Abigail purse her lips in surprise. She looked contemplative for a second, before Shawn couldn't take it anymore and burst out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you wanna go with me?” He asked, a little loud judging by her small jump. “Like as a date?” He specified, and watched her blink in surprise until she nodded, relief washing over him and making him smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great,” he grinned “I’ll see you at the pier at seven?” He asked. And she grinned back at him before nodding again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It's a date.” She smiled  and took off to where her giggling friends were waiting. Shawn couldn’t stop smiling, and shook his head, but that didn’t help. Gus came five seconds later, handing him his burger and smiled when he saw the grin taking up the majority in his stupid face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She said yes, I take it?” Gus smiled, taking a bite of his burger. Shawn took a deep breath before doing an embarrassing happy dance and finally settled down into a grin that still hurt his face. Gus snorted and watched as Shawn searched for Abigail, spotting her on one of the picnic tables across the field, where she waved at him with a smile on her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The first yes of the rest of our lives.” Shawn said “First this, then being official, then moving in together, and then-” He turned to Gus and burst with happiness “Marriage.” Gus smiled in surprise and a little apprehension was in his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re that far ahead, huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn shook his head. “Dude, I’m in love with her. I’ve been that far ahead since the second I saw her beat up the vending machine.” Gus relented with a laugh and took care of the two upperclassmen that came next, leaving Shawn to float on his cloud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the day went agonizingly slow and was a blur at the same time. Shawn and Gus had fun on their break once they convinced one of the other volunteers to watch their table so they could take their break together. They went around eating and playing the games for an hour before they had to go back to giving away cookies, letting the kid who covered them take an extra box as a thanks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seniors had to start packing up forty five minutes before the final bell so they could leave earlier and not get caught in the traffic, so it was all hands on deck gathering the blankets to be washed and returned to the volunteer families who loaned theirs out. Gathering the banners and folding them to put them in a small cart where they wouldn’t see the light of day until next year. The tables were carted away by the football and lacrosse players while Abigail and her team took cake off bringing the baskets inside. Shawn packed up his decorations back into his bag and watched as the others picked up the trash that was left behind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt a little sad that this was probably one of the last times he’d see his classmates before graduation. He had grown up with most of them, and the thought of not seeing them again was surprising even though he knew it was coming. He shook his head, and put the thought of his mind. He didn’t want to be depressed tonight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gus stood by him, holding the stuffed saber cat and handing it over when Shawn made grabby hands. “Let’s go! Big night, big night!” They broke into a small chant as they walked off the field. It was incredible they were allowed to just leave. Being Seniors was cool. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They left Leland Bosseigh High in their dust as they hurried home. Well, hurry was a strong word with Gus behind the wheel, but going two digits above the speed limit was as ballsy as it got. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gus dropped him off, fist bumped him and told him he’d be back at six  to pick him up before pulling away to get ready for his own date. Shawn grinned, the excitement building up all over again. He rushed inside, throwing a distracted hello at the living room where his parents were standing and rushed off to his room. It was quarter till four, so it gave him about two hours to get ready, because it was an hour’s drive to the fair if you considered all the traffic from people trying to get to the fair. He breathed deeply and then decided to take his time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>First, he had to take a shower and wash off the sunscreen. But he wouldn't wash his hair. He’d just scrub himself raw so he felt clean. He went and showered, taking off twenty minutes of the two hours. He went into his room and got ready. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He put on his other lucky boxers and put on his jeans again, checking for grass stains from the tackle Peter Colter had handed him during the small game of capture the flag. Eileen laughing so hard she couldn’t breath was funnier though. He was clear though so put them on and struggled on deciding what shirt to wear. He finally decided on a white button up with little back pineapples decorating it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time he made absolutely sure his hair looked perfect he only had a half an hour left. He put on his fanny pack, and made sure it had his wallet, gum, and travel size sunscreen and pocket knife before zipping it up. He put on the sunscreen that was on his nightstand that smelled like -no surprise- pineapple and put on his converse before walking down the stairs as calmly as he could. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had already brushed his teeth, and he didn’t want any temptations to get a snack from the kitchen, so he decided to wait on the porch. He went for the door and was almost home free when-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shawn, can you come in here, please?” Henry called from the living room. Shawn sighed, and walked into the living room to see what could be so important to keep him from meeting the most beautiful girl on the planet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” He stepped into the living room where his parents regarded him with surprise. Maddie was the first to speak, when it was clear Henry wasn’t planning on saying anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look handsome, honey.” Maddie smiled tensely. Shawn frowned in concern, but his mother had been like this lately and she always said nothing was wrong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, mom. Was that it?” He wanted to go so bad. All hopes were dashed when his mom shook her head and motioned for him to come in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you sit?” She motioned at the sofa, but Shawn shook his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m good, thanks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maddie sighed and looked at Henry, who looked at her expectantly. She shook her head, and was quiet for a second before Shawn couldn’t take the sound of his father’s watch mocking the time he had left. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom, I have a date. Is this important?” He asked. “Are you okay? Because I can cancel.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please don't make me cancel</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He pleaded.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maddie and Henry looked up, before Maddie asked “A date?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. With Abigail Lytar. The girl I told you about?” Shawn smiled, watching as his mom nodded in acknowledgement. Henry groaned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maddie, why don't you just let him go on his date and we can talk about this later as  a family-?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “There won’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>be </span>
  </em>
  <span>a later.” Maddie cut him off sharply. Shawn was beginning to think something was wrong. And he didn't like it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shawn,” She looked at him firmly, but he could tell she wanted to cry. “You’re father and I are getting a divorce.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was as if someone dumped cold water on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maddie grimaced, but Shawn knew she was a big believer in ripping off the bandaid. Which made him dread the rest of this conversation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This has been in the works for some time. You’ve noticed that your father and I have been arguing more and more,” She knew he noticed, and she did not beat around the bush. “and at this point, the bad of the relationship outweighs the good greatly.” Shawn heard his father’s pained sigh and his mother ignored it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am taking a job in Boston, and I will be moving there over the weeks. There will be friends coming and collecting my belongings to help make a clean break. You graduate in a couple months so I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>be at your graduation, and I will visit as often as I can.” She stepped closer to get his attention when he couldn’t lift his gaze off the floor, and he heard Gus’ car pull up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shawn, hey-” She grabbed his chin and made him look at her “I need you to know that none of this is your fault. Your father and I made this ourselves alone. I’m sorry you have to get caught up in it-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re leaving me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>With him?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn felt the lump in his throat like a boulder on his chest. Maddie drew back, tears forming. Gus was coming in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, honey. I will come visit you every chance I get.” But that didn’t matter. Because she wouldn’t even be in the same state. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shawn!” Gus called from what Shawn was the kitchen, and Maddie jumped. Henry had yet to say anything. Shawn pulled away from his mother in a daze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to go.” He said. “I have a date.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maddie frowned and tried to reach for him as he left. But he was too quick, out the front door already. He knew Gus had heard the door slam so it was no surprise when he saw his best friend leave the house Apple pie in hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It would make him laugh if he wasn’t on the verge of crying. Gus shouted a goodbye and got in the car, making Shawn hold his pie as he drove. Eventually, Gus would notice Shawn was too quiet, so Shawn pulled it together enough to pass off his silence as nerves. Gus was distracted with pie and driving so it wasn’t hard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed like the blink of an eye, because Shawn barely had enough time to breathe before Gus wiggled with excitement when he spotted his date across the parking lot that was already filled to the brim with cars. The girl was pretty and sporting a red summer dress, so Shawn could see why Gus was losing his marbles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They left the car, making sure they knew to meet at eleven and where they were parked. Shawn walked with them to the entrance to get his tickets but split off to go to the pier. Gus fistbumped him and wished him luck as he bounced into the fair with his date. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Shawn walked, he thought about his parents. He knew they didn’t always get along, and deep down he knew that the writing on the wall had been there for years. But he thought maybe they could make it. He knew how much they loved each other, and that they’d die for each other no questions asked. But what did that matter if they couldn’t make it through one day without fighting about something stupid. And not in a cute way, but in a way that made Shawn want to crawl out of his skin.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Is that what love was? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Being willing to die for someone, but not being able to stand the sight of them at the breakfast table? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be with Abigail and then fight with her everyday until one of them left. He couldn’t live like that, he didn’t even want to consider it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn spotted Abigail leaning against the wood, which would make Gus have coronary considering how many birds pooped on them. She looked beautiful. She looked like a damn princess. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail was wearing a blue thin striped baby doll dress, black Doc Marten sandals and her jean jacket with the right pocket ripped from all the times she attacked it with her nervous fist. She had a row of red butterfly clips on her hair, and she was looking around for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn froze, tickets in hand. He pictured Abigail in a wedding dress and it scared him. Because he knew what came after. Shouting and more shouting. Crying and a specific kind of anger that Shawn had seen before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>God, what if they had kids? And Shawn was just like his father? If he made Abby cry, and made his kids like they’d never be good enough, he would never forgive himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Shawn stood there. Watching her wait for an hour, heart ripping itself into pieces second by second with guilt as he watched her crumble and cry. But one night of crying was better than a lifetime. For both of them. She was better off this way. He told himself as he watched her walk away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was better off this way. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually he forced himself to walk back to the car, where he sat in the hood until Gus made his way back, a giant stuffed panda in his arms and a case of the giggles. He stopped once he saw Shawn’s tear stained face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shawn? What happened?” Gus stood in front of him. Dark eyes laced with so much concern it made Shawn want to cry again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I stood up, Abigail.” He explained. Gus drew back in surprise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Gus was frustrated but he was also concerned. It was clear by the way he looked like he wanted to throttle Shawn and hug him at the same time.”Why?” He finally asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My parents-” Shawn cut himself off before he started crying again, and Gus let him have the panda to hold as he patted his back. “My parents are getting a divorce.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gus nodded, like he knew there was more to the story, but also knowing that Shawn didn’t want to talk about it. So he patted him more and more and told him about his date to distract him. He finally made Shawn laugh when Gus revealed that his date had gotten stuck in the porta-potty and they had to call security to get her out. And that’s why his date had ended an hour early, but he was happy because she promised another date to make up for this one. When they stopped laughing, Gus turned to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to go home?” Shawn shook his head no. Gus nodded and walked him to the passenger seat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lets get us some food and then we’ll hit the sack at mine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn had wanted to be back to say goodbye to his mother now that he knew she wasn’t gonna be back in three days like always but he couldn't bring himself to talk to her or his dad. He knew he had to go home eventually, and that shit was just about ready to hit the fan again. But for now, he was holding a stuffed panda and craving a milkshake. </span>
</p>
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